I Really think this is an excellent reminder that we’re not to take personally everything that our husband’s say or do as being what is really what is inside of his heart – only God knows the turmoil which he’s going through & the battle for our husband’s soul & mind that is going on
Remember Bob knows better than we who are hurting because he was once a walk away husband & Charlyne was that praying wife who Stood for her marriage even after it was her misguided Pastor who told her to divorce Bob in the 1st place – if we also are faithful to God he’ll also do for us what He did for that couple who now have the ministry to help wives like us – we simply need to make those changes which God requires of us to become the Godly Proverbs 31 Wives that He wants us to be & to pray daily for the deliverance of our husbands from the clutches of Satan
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From: no-reply@rejoiceministries.org
Date: Mon, 19 Mar 2007
Subject: Charlyne Cares - March 20
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"MY SPOUSE HATES ME EVEN MORE NOW" -
"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone
who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." John 3:19-20
We often have men and women tell us, "My spouse hates me more now than on the day we divorced." Today let's look at a couple reasons why this could be true.
The most common basis for this statement is that you represent light. You represent Christ. You represent good and pure things.
By now, Charlyne and I pray that you can acknowledge that your prodigal spouse has been taken captive by Satan. The actions and antics that you are witnessing, and being victimized by, only seem to be carried out by your beloved. He or she is acting on the will
of the Enemy himself.
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8
This will be review to most people, but someone today has had their eyes opened and needs to understand that you or your spouse opened a door, be it ever so small, that allows Satan into a life and into your marriage.
It could have been flirtation leading to adultery. Perhaps it was social drinking leading to alcoholism. How about looking at and reading the wrong things, until there was an addiction to pornography. Regardless of the root cause, it only takes a crack for the enemy to enter. After that, it will always take more and more and more to satisfy.
We had an old aluminum backyard tool shed. It had endured one too many hurricanes. For six months, our shed listed to one side, just
enough to leave a large crack at the bottom of the door. We finally had a new, but smaller, plastic shed put in place. The crack at the
bottom of the door was gone. A few evenings later, Charlyne was looking out the back door at our new shed, illuminated by a security light, when she screamed for me. A small possum was walking back and forth along the front of the shed, looking for his entry place which was now gone. That animal was looking for an opening to get into our belongings and to do damage again. Who would think that such a critter could be found in the middle of a city!
Another reason your spouse may dislike you even more after divorce may be because your prayers are a threat to their sinful lifestyle. In fact, every thing you stand for is a threat to their pigpen lifestyle. Only two hours before we remarried, I was telling Charlyne we could get a marriage license, if she would stop praying for me. I wrongly associated every problem I had with being the results of her prayers.
This leads into the third reason your absent spouse may seem to dislike you even more now. Since your beloved took flight, hopefully, you have been growing spiritually. Your mate may see the difference and feel threatened by your spiritual leadership. I must
confess to having been there and doing that also. Little did I know how willing my wife was to step aside and allow me to re-assume the spiritual headship of our family.
I pray you can understand what a threat a stander, walking with Christ seems to be to their prodigal mate. You do not need to
announce to anyone how godly you have become. There will be a certain confident, peaceful manner about you that will demonstrate to everyone who comes in contact with you.
This brings us to one more reason that, sadly, some prodigals seem to demonstrate hatred toward a mate who is standing with God and praying for Him to restore the marriage. It is difficult to express in a tactful way, but a few people allow their faith walk with Jesus to become their trophy. They are always ready to almost beat their spouse over the head with their well-marked Bible. They know exactly what their prodigal needs to get their life straightened out.
When God is speaking to a prodigal spouse, that person needs some wiggle room. We may even start toward home and then turn away in
anger. Right then, in our confusion, we prodigals are watching to see what buttons we have pushed in the one who says they are "standing." I truly believe our marriage was restored, when it was, because my wife had de-activated all her buttons that I had previously pushed.
False starts toward home by a prodigal spouse are not uncommon. Each false start either brings that person closer to home, or pushes them further away. What makes the difference? How the prodigal's spouse responds to the false starts.
Charlyne and I have two goals for every man or woman who is seeking marriage restoration God's way. We pray that each person praying for a prodigal spouse could be two things:
SERIOUSLY STANDING -
Not following the examples of others, nor doing what other people say to do to see a marriage healed, but developing an ever-increasing daily walk with Jesus Christ, and listening to His voice for their direction.
READY FOR RESTORATION -
We have asked before, but are you ready for your prodigal to show up in the next five minutes? If not, you will be one of the people who contact us saying, "My spouse just called and is on the way home at this moment. What do I do next?"
Even though it has been over 20 years since we divorced, I still cannot believe the things that I put my family through when I left home. Back then, if Charlyne were judging by my actions, she might have thought that I hated her more after our divorce, and especially after someone else was in my life.
Satan, the enemy of our marriage, might have had me acting that way, but I never stopped loving my wife. The twinges of guilt over what I was doing began to surface, and like most prodigals, my way of handling it was to turn on my wife. I thank God that Charlyne’s reactions always demonstrated to a confused prodigal husband that my wife was ready for restoration.
Are you?
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." 1 Peter 3:15
Blessings,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.®
Post Office Box 10548
Pompano Beach, FL 33061 USA
http://rejoiceministries.org/
Bob's books are available in the Stop Divorce Christian Bookstore -
http://rejoiceministries.org/store.html
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